Had a playdate today with some good friends from my old work. Jake was super excited and we even got out of the house early! When we got there though I realized my tire that has been slowly leaking for the last month and that my dad asked shannon personally to take care of was flat. The last few days I had been thinking that it definitely needed air but I couldnt think of a full service gas station to go to to get air put in when I didnt need gas. Shannon of course ignored it altogether. ..I was/am really angry about it. I called him and made him come and switch cars and bring it to the mechanic which he was so pleased with- he made a snide comment but only in front of my friends and then tried to make small talk with me in the car.
I am angry because I feel like he should "man up" and take care of something for once. If he really cared about me he wouldnt have wanted his pregnant wife and child riding around in a car that was unsafe but instead he waits for it to be flat and gets annoyed that he has to deal it. I have asked him several times to handle all things automotive but just like every other dedicated responsibility of his he shirks. i.e. the garbage- he cant just take it out when its overflowing he has to wait for me to ask him and then of course he cant put a new bag in - oh no- i have to do that part.
He asks me not to put trash in the sink because it gets clogged but when he "cleans up" from dinner everything just gets thrown in the sink, trash and all, so that I just have to clean it all up in the morning.
I am angry at him 90% of the time, I do so much for him and he appreciates none of it and he is constantly an inconsiderate prick. I went to pick him up at work today so we could get the car and for the third time now he has left me and jake waiting in the car for over 30 minutes. AND he doesnt even apologize which is the worst part!! If I ever left him waiting for even ten minutes I at the very least apologize.
I think about leaving- I talked to Tracey about how feeling alone in a relationship is worse and more sad than actually being alone. I seriously wonder what kind of marriage this will ever be when he has never and most likely will never be an actual partner.
I am tired of feeling like I always reach out to him, do nice things, that he either doesnt notice or doesnt appreciate- why bother.
Oh and his birthday is this weekend and I dont even want to give him his present I feel like he doesnt deserve it and just like every other present I get him wont be good enough anyway. He recently made a comment about how he wants to trade in the k-cup machine I got him for xmas for a "better" model. Nothing is ever good enough.
Why am i having a second child with him...who could be my coach instead?
I went and picked up his medicine and vitamins tonight- not even a thank you.
He asks me why I am so angry and I cant even begin to talk to him because I know Ill just cry and its not worth the energy anyway- he wont listen or just turn it around on me or say his trademark "your ridiculous"
I dont know- I feel sad that I am considering just giving up on it- why bother fighting for something again that he may have never even wanted. Why fight to make someone want to be a partner- either does or he doesnt. He says he loves me but I see no signs of it...I should get that book jess talked about that describes the way people show love because honestly he never touches me so it isnt physical, he never makes an attempt to have a date, he certainly doesnt want or enjoy taking care of me...
how will this effect our kids...
we cant communicate and need counseling and yet how do you go to counseling without child care?
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